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continuous of 0004..

same as the reason given, i online in the mid of night. i am not a night ghost. i wake up at that night and my lifestyle is simply turned around with my sleeping time opposite yours.

the second i connected, i received Gan's messages already. should i think that he is waiting me, or am i thinking too much? anyway, summary:

"i am curious, evan"
"curiosity kills the cat"
"but if i don't try, i cannot rest"
"if you try, you're history"
"she won't know"
"she will know. she's not dumb"
"i will be careful"
"it's not about careful or not. how about your gf?"
"she doesn't need to know"
"YOU ARE DUMPING HER RIGHT?"
"no i am keeping her"
"how do you want to try then?"
"i will have a bf and gf"
"WHAT? how to handle?"
"i will meet each of them on alternate days. that's just a plan"
"not a sound plan to me. i thought when you say try, it is just about sex with a guy"
"that's my plan, evan"
"? you are looking for a bf or sex buddy?"
"isn't both same?"
/speechless.. "you will find out once you try"
"that's what i said. i would like to try"
"but one thing i hope you will find out after trying. know to differentiate sex and love"
"i hope i can. and i will promise to be careful"
"careful of gf knowing or careful with condom?"
"both..."

we chat casually before the topic arises.

"do you have sex with your gf?" i asked.
"yea we do."
"fun?"
"sure"
"what were you thinking? boys or girls?"
"both i think"
"what do you expect from boys sex?"
"pleasure and fun"
"i am asking if you are becoming top or bottom?"
"surely bottom"
/surprised "you will get fuck?"
"yes sure. if i want to fuck, i can fuck a girl"
/speechless
"let me ask you back. have you dated and sex with a girl before?"
"no..." i lied.
"then are you gay?"
"guess?"
"i think you are"
"you are just trying your luck. i am not" i lied again.
"maybe when i read your blog, i can find out something"
/shit "have you been to my blog?"
"not yet"
/damn (delete my blog link in msn)

conclusion: he will have his first fuck with boy/ boys soon. my words cannot reach him already. kind of good also. if he never try, he will never learn his lesson. he has already decided and there is little i can do for him. maybe i can ask his fuck buddy to treat him bad, so to give a bad impression to Gan on how bad a gay fuck can be...

hugs,
Evan

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i hardly sign in my msn. there is so many things occur between me and msn. i know all my exes from msn. i am afraid when i log in, i will see them online. their personal message: i love you forever, thinking of you. etc etc. beh tahan them.

but i still sign in last night/ maybe this morning (4am). no one online at this hour. good. then suddenly pop up some one sign in. shit. check carefully... oh it is my friend Gan. luckily.

Gan is my friend since middle school. he is straight and had a gf for almsot 3 years. i thought he is straight. he saw me online, and i send him a message to initiate conversation. he is quite mysterious that night and i dig more information from him.

straight to the main point. the reason he cannot sleep because he is 'confused'. what is he confised? he told me
"i think i like boys and girls"

"what why say so?" i asked.

"yesterday i go my friend house sleep. i don't know why i go and touch his..."

"omg your friend know?" i asked.

"don't know"

"how about your gf?"

"don't know either"

i thought of telling him i am gay, and then slowly explain and talk about this matter. but in the end i act straight and talk things out. i only deal this problem once. with KC long time ago. i could not come out with my ideas that night when i talk to Gan. i did my best to tell him what i think, and give him many choices to choose. at this stage it is most important to know where his gf is located in his heart. he should not be gay because he has a choice. if he can be happy with his gf for so long, why let a boy ruin it? unlike us, he defitniely can choose.

and so. i told him to take a rest and talk next time. hope he do not act rushly.

this post is written myself. but with a lot of google translation help. how is it? ok?

hugs,
Evan

part 7 - second shoot got caught

credit to you know who.

august 2000 (13 year old), i was watching a porn i borrowed from my friend. an angmo straight porn it was. of course i looked at cock instead of pussy. there were 2 stories in one cd. i popped in and started with the first scene: in a saloon.

the story started with a cute guy (let us name him Steven) entered a saloon shop. there were few customers in the shop, but only a lady served them. we can assume the lady was a hair stylist/ beautician and let us name her Jess. Jess was busy serving the customers - cut their hair, perm, drinks and clean the floor. while Steven was patiently waiting for his hair cut/ whatever, it was 5 oclock already. other customers left the shop and now only Steven and Jess were in the shop. when Jess was about to flip the 'welcome' to 'closed', a man came and pulled the door away, accidentally gave Jess a shock. then they conversed in French/ Italian/ whatever (the first dialogue was after 5 minutes play), probably apologising and asked to be the last customer of the day. ok let's name the guy Darren. he was there for facial mask therapy i assume.

Steven had brown hair, crystal eyes with spectacles and pierced on the right ear. he was wearing his formal attire, probably a blue colar worker in his late twenties. his hair was long and he really need a shave. while Darren was a blonde guy in mid twenties, he was wearing a white shirt printed a cross on it. i would say both the guys are cute and adorable. especially Darren. he has the boyish look and very pure. his smile was so charming and polite. should i describe Jess? nah.... not interested.

the shop was left with the three of them. while Darren was having his mask on, Jess turned to Steven and cut his hair. blink and the scene changes to Steven with his hair done. neat and tidy. Jess was shaving his beard off. turn her head to Darren, Darren was checking his face after facial mask. left and right. right and left. again and again. really cute.

when everything was done, time to pay. this part was the most interesting of the 30 minutes. Steven and Darren was standing at the counter, talking to Jess. Steven was trying to explain something and i assume he did not bring his wallet because he kept touching his pocket looking for something. while Darren was pointing his money on the counter. i assume he did not bring enough money. anyway since when we need understanding when watching porn? we create the story, don't we?

Jess was trying to report police but was stopped by the two guys. Darren and Steven then offered to clean the shop to repay the debt. scene changes again. this time Steven had taken off his coat and tie, unbuttoned his first button and vacuum the floor. while vacuuming, he cannot stop noticing Jess's protruding cow breast which were barely covered. Darren was tasked with mopping the floor with a piece of cloth. Darren was not as pure as he look as. Jess was sitting on a sofa with her leg crossed, leaving her panties exposed under her short blue skirt. Darren kept looking down and get closer to her for better view. when Jess found out she was peeped, she exposed more of her underskirt and bra, to fulfill the lust of the boys. and then slowly seduced the boys onto the sofa where she sat.

Steven slowly unbuttoned his attire and exposed his rock hard chest and yellow brief. he did not have hair on his chest, legs and armpits. he probably shaved clean. nipples hard and pinkish. abs were defined. bubble butt. he then threw off his spectacles and walked close to Jess. Darren on the other hand was more skinny. his body was not fully developed but the outline was ready. his nipples are pinkish and very hard, very yummy. with very slight hair on his chest, the hair thickens as it grew down to his bottom. trail can be seen heading down the boxers he wore. armpits hair look silky.

Steven was found licking her pussy when Darren walked to her. kissing her at first, Darren slowly took off his boxers and changed position to receive oral. wonderful. big size with pinkish head, Darren enjoyed as Jess popped her head in and out eating his cock. holding her breasts with every hands, Steven gave her pleasure and tongued her deep.

i am too lazy to make a review. you can imagine the rest of the play. a remarkable scene was that Darren and Steven both inserted their thick long cocks into Jess's pussy at the same time. both the boys moaned loudly in pleasure which was erotic to listen to. but Jess moaned even louder and put off the excitement. what a waste.

thought back of the way KC played himself, i tried, lying down on the cold marble floor, tfk alone in the room. at least i thought i was alone. starting to feel something strange, i hasten the paste and i can feel my cock grew bigger than normal. a bigger boner than i usually have. it grew slightly more than 6". when Darren shot his cum, i followed. it was a mind blowing orgasm. i cummed a lot which i think can fill up a small glass. i was all exhausted at the same time felt pleasured. my second time, this time was fun and thrilling.

that's not the end.

unable to catch my breathe, i fell asleep in the room. and when my mum knocked on my door she found out i was laying there naked with my cum all over the floor and porn was switched on. she did not say anything and walked out. SHIT i got caught. nervously i cleaned myself and the room. come to think of it, how did she enter? did i not lock the door?

we did not fight for what i did. we talked a bit on the 'health disastrous activity' and she simply asked me not to repeat.

when i told KC that i tfk and shot a lot of cum, he taught me more skills to pleasure myself. including kissing, insert finger into anus, rubbing with lubs etc. i have to admit that he is very professional at his age haha. when i told him that my mum caught me tfk, he laughed even harder and lasted for days. in the end he assured me not to worry, as long as i don't get caught anymore. what's more? he is now one of my best buddy i have. and our relationship is not just mere friends anymore. but that was another story.

there goes my second tfk experience.

hugs,
Evan

life before cny

unlike ken's house, my house is so small. so small that you need to squeeze everything like a store room or garage. my house is full of rubbish and garbage, mainly because my father is a rubbish collector. shaky table, broken dvd player, spoilt cabinet, rusty chair. he brings back everything. disappointing, those are really rubbish worthless to keep and maintained. over the years, me and my mother cleared the piled up waste and cleaned the house annually, before cny. but my dad did not learn his lesson, he keeps fetching those rubbish back home, as if they are his children. but thank god he does not bring back rotten food and injured animals. i will go crazy >_<

cleaning the house is one thing, new clothes is another thing. new year new life, and of course new clothes. i manage to buy 2 t shirts and a vest for this year. in addition of KC's new year gift, i have now 4 for my top. sometimes i think he treats me so good, i might fall for him again. haiz.....

other than that, valentine this year falls on the same day as cny. unfortunately, i will be celebrating the day with my family and relatives. imagine those aunties introduced their friends daughter to me. i have to kindly entertained their humour which in fact, i am so darn lazy to talk to them. hey! i am gay. stop introducing people to me.

well, part of that, Jino has recently went missing. so my post are delayed a bit a lot. when are you coming back? maybe i can write on my own and forget him.... i cannot imagine that >_<

regards,
Evan

part 6 - my first kiss

credit to you know who.

not sure if i should separate to 2 post. but since they are inter related, maybe i would stick to 1.

again that was a story happened previously in july 2000, when i was 13. at that age i had already hit my puberty. hairs growing on my armpits. misai and pubic hair grew as well. worse of all, i can grow boner countlessly. at that time, i did not talk to anyone about that, thinking that it's some disease that would get off soon. but as time passed, i learned that it is part of growing process that every boy goes through. puberty we call it.

almost everyone at my age, in my school comprise only boys were excited all over. we started talking about girls, kisses, pubes, sex and... TFK. at first it was new to me, i have no idea what was that (but i tfk without knowing what is tfk few months ago). i live in an era of limited internet connection. so my sex education is limited by the strain of underexposure.

when i asked them what is tfk, in the crowd, all of them laughed at me. i was thinking why. one of them explained that you need to stroke yourself up and down, get it big and enjoy the session. it made sense to me and i recalled my past experience in cny. then everyone divert into tfk, exchanging experience of their sessions, how they did it, the sensation, the source and everything. there i was, sitting there looked blur. and tried to hide the fact that i tfk-ed unconsciously.

one of them, who was a cadet as well in my last camp, my best buddy now said "if you don't understand i can show you later. but do not tell anyone ok?"

i was so innocent, i said "ok"

wonder who that guy was? KC la.

followed suit, i ended up in our school toilet. what i like about our school is the toilet kept clean and dry. not to mention it is built spacious as well. in my heart i thought he would show me the way of tfk. but when we were inside, he asked me to strip down to without a strand of thread. i casually did as he said, because we were used to looking at each other naked back in camp. i had boners ready. i unbuttoned my shirts, school pants and so did he. he sat on the toilet bowl, began stroking his 5.5" cock, slowly at first. about 10 minutes later he asked me to stroke mine. blur with the condition, i stroke mine as he instructed. my feeling was rather fluctuating. i did not have the urge of anything besides excitement. but looking at KT red in face, sweating body and his odour makes me excited.

his movement switch vigourously. slow to fast, back to slow and fast. i was standing there playing with myself like an idiot. he asked me to kiss him and lick his nipples, but i rejected. i stood there long enough, stroking myself like an idiot. bored with the repeating movement, i started kissing and licking his lips. he let out a soft moan of pleasure. he asked me to shoot out, but i did not know how. i think i was a turn off for him, being so innocent and did not know how to act.

later, he let out a large moan and oozed out 6 squirt of whitish liquid from his cock. i was so shocked he cummed on himself. a thickening 'pee' it was. he looked enjoyed the session but i didn't. i am not used to tfk, let alone do it together.

"that is tfk"
"i think i did the same last time at home" i said.
"you will understand one day" he replied with a smack on my ass.

we dressed and walked out of the cubicle, to realize there are other people around in the toilet. i was so embarrassed and left quickly. later we were scolded for attending class late.

after that day, he occasionally asking me to follow him to toilet, and he tfk as always. i slowly started to enjoy watching him enjoy, but i don't have the urge to shoot. that continued for a month. and very quickly, rumours of me and KC having sex in toilet roamed. i was cool with it as it increased my popularity. but i denied when they asked if it's real or not.

p/s: why did i say previously my first kiss was not a glory one? it's because i kiss some one without feel. not the one i love. i didn't love him till something else happen. maybe i just had crush on him?

hugs,
Evan

2010 resolution

i may have a lot of wishes but a realistic one will be considerably brings calmness.

i want good health, more cash, more freedom, and most importantly, i want to remain single.

i was thinking of indulging into love but on the safe side, it was not a wise decision to rush a love in a recovering period. for now, i think single is best for me and i will enjoy my singleship best. without worries. without responsibility. single is my choice. and i shall stick to my decision, for at least a year (some kind of promise i made to myself and god) just follow my instinct and no other reason.

happy new year to everyone out there. remember to take care of yourself. and don't be reckless. watch out for unforeseen dangers. be alert.

my first day of 2010 was greeted by price hike of gardenia white bread by 20 cents.

happy new year,
Evan